Tokyo Bablyon 1/2
A Tokyo Babylon / Ranma 1/2 crossover
By Cleo Tan
Akane smashed the last concrete block into smithereens then paused, panting hard. She felt a lot better after smashing things, but right now, what she _really_ wanted to do was pulverize Ranma. <That jerk! Hentai! Pervert! Four fiancees aren't enough and he has to go chase another girl!>
"Oh my," Kasumi said in her mildest tone. "Akane, dinner will be ready soon. The water in the furo should be warm by now; why don't you go take a bath?"
Akane wiped off the sweat with a handy towel and jogged off to collect clothes for changing. Perhaps a long, hot bath would improve her mood.
Ukyou gave Tsubasa one last whack, and sent him sailing over Nerima, giving him a bird's eye view that had become very familiar. Then he spotted something.
"Hey, there's Ranma and that girl going into the Tendo Dojo!" he called out. All paused at once, then charged to the dojo. The residents of Nerima watched them rather indifferently, while the construction company started getting prepared.
Ranma kicked off his shoes and dropped his shirt in the laundry basket, then piled the clothes rather untidily in the basket put out for the change of clothes. Then, as he heard a whisper of sound, he turned round and spotted Akane coming down the stairs, carrying a change of clothes. His first reaction was to freeze. The second was to mentally scream: <OH NO!!! We've gotta get outta here!>
He charged into the bathroom, calling out as loudly as he dared to. "Subaru! We gotta get out of here, fast!"
Subaru sighed in contentment as he emptied the hot water over his head. They had managed to dodge the blood thirsty hunters and made their way safely to the Tendo Dojo. It was nice to be back in male form; Ranma had said he would lend him some clothes. He should be back soon, time to finish washing up. As he wrapped the yukata around himself, he heard Ranma calling to him to get out now, and fast.
Subaru had heard that kind of tone too many times. He rushed out of the bath, hoping that they would not be vastly outnumbered. Unfortunately, he stepped onto a basin full of cold water and tripped.
"Subaru! Are you okay?"
Ranma dashed into the bathroom in time to catch her before she fell flat on her face. (Yup, that's what heroes do...)
Subaru grabbed onto him.
Then Akane poked her head in.
Akane heard a voice that sounded suspiciously like Ranma's and promptly charged towards the furo, intending to give him the bashing of a lifetime. She poked her head in to see....
Ukyou, Ryouga, Nabiki and just about almost everyone, even Soun and Genma looked into the bathroom, where they had heard Ranma calling out.
Ranma, who was topless and very male, was embracing Subaru, who was clothed only in a thin yukata robe, which was already slipping off one slim, very _female_ shoulder. It had opened up sufficiently to allow the barest hint of cleavage to show. She was clinging to Ranma as if her life depended on it. Both looked up to see the whole of Nerima's martial artist population, with a few that weren't, thrown in for good measure. Since they couldn't think of anything else to do, they froze and waited for the warped accusations about their innocent actions.
They didn't have to wait long.
Nerima's martial artist population are famous for their ability to jump to the wrong conclusions, which invariably lead to lots of property destruction, bodily damage, and even more property destruction.
Kuno: "SAOTOME!!! Thou hast despoiled the pure, innocent angel who so unwittingly fell into thy vile clutches! Unhand her at once!"
Ryouga: "Ranma! You...I can't believe you would do such a thing...and right in the Tendo furo too! How could you do this to Akane?!"
Mousse: "Shampoo! Let's get married! Saotome is obviously unfaithful to you!"
"Ukyou.." Tsubasa didn't even get to say what he was thinking when Ukyou slammed him to hyperspace.
The girls, however, had apparently perfected the Voice of Doom.
Nabiki snapped several pictures.
The fathers were speechless.
Nodoka smiled delightedly at Ranma.
Kasumi blinked at them, then summed it up in two words, "Oh, my!"
Fortunately, they were allowed to get dressed. And since just about everyone held the theory that it was always Ranma's fault, Subaru got spared the beating the Nerima Gang dished out. Nabiki guided her to the living room where Kasumi served them tea and cookies while they waited for everyone to stop beating up Ranma.
"I believe we have a problem," Nodoka announced.
Everyone looked at her.
"While I am truly delighted to meet up with my son again, there is the problem of the young miss over there."
"Sumimasen, Saotome-san, but I'm.."
"Can it, you tart. I still haven't forgiven you for stealing Ran-chan." Ukyou growled.
"Shampoo still have something to settle with strange girl," Shampoo purred sweetly at Subaru.
Subaru edged nervously behind Nabiki while Akane glowered.
Nodoka ignored them, and turned to Subaru.
"I fear my son has unwittingly besmirched your honour. We have no choice but to remedy your disgrace." Nodoka said gravely.
"Nani?" Subaru suddenly had a bad feeling about this. She put her cup of tea down on the table.
"My deepest apologies, Tendo-san. I fear we have no choice but to break off the engagement between the Tendo family and the Saotome family and have Ranma and Sumeragi-san wedded."
The rest went into an uproar, then returned to beating up Ranma.
Ranma's eyes had glazed over. He couldn't believe it. Nodoka had first accepted him as her son, and even admitted to his manliness. Then she had proceeded to break off all his engagements, and was right now preparing for a wedding. With Subaru Sumeragi, whom he had known for only a few hours. This had to be a bad dream. With any luck, he would wake up and find himself late for school instead, with Akane ready to mallet him for the slightest insult. Maybe he had a concussion or something.
In the background, he could hear Soun wailing away. He could hear his mother calmly and soothingly dealing with him, before turning to deal with his fiancees.
"Shampoo is Airen's true bride!"
Nodoka calmly sipped her tea before setting it down.
"Only because the law of your village dictates it as such, does it not? Tell me Shampoo, what would your village do to a girl whose honour has been taken by a man?"
"Village elders decree that the man die, or marry girl, unless she refuse." Shampoo's voice was sullen.
"Then cede your right to that poor girl. In Japanese society, she already has lost any right to marry. No good family will ever accept her as their son's bride. It may or may not have been her fault, but she will always be an outcast, despised and mocked. I am certain your village elders will understand, as you do."
"I...Shampoo will ask great-grandmother Cologne first."
"Arigatou, Shampoo, for understanding."
"I, I have always had first claim to Ran-chan!" He could vaguely hear Ucchan wail.
"Gomen ne, Ukyou-san. But the engagement between the Tendos and Saotomes was agreed to even before Ranma was born. That engagement takes precedence. And what of the poor girl? Alone, unchaperoned, and dishonoured publicly. You still have a chance to find someone else, Ukyou-san. No respectable man will ever wed her."
"I understand...Sumimasen, Saotome-san, for taking up so much of your time." He wondered at the dull hopelessness in her voice. Oh Ucchan...
He drifted off into darkness.
Akane's voice. Quiet, gentler than he had ever heard her use.
"I understand, Auntie. It wasn't that girl's fault that Ranma takes after Happosai. But it's just not fair to her...she barely knows Ranma, and already she has to marry him."
<What about you, Akane? Is it fair to you either that your fiancee is marrying someone else?>
Darkness fell again.
"I cannot dispute your argument, Saotome-san. In situations like this, I admit that her dishonour takes precedence over custom. However, I strongly doubt Son-in-Law did anything in truth. If he could resist the considerable charms of my great-granddaughter, why would he turn to one such as her?"
"It does not matter in truth. The situation has already been made public, and whether the girl is still virgin or not no longer matters. Rumours are more tenacious than truth at times, Cologne-san. To protect her honour, she must be married at once."
A dry cackle of laughter.
"Truely spoken, Nodoka-san. As an Amazon woman, I pity that girl. She must live in your patriachal society, degraded and looked down on for something that is not likely her fault. Were she a member of our village, things would have been different. Very well. I will inform the Amazon elders. Likely they will agree that her right supersede that of Shampoo's and decide that Shampoo is eligible to marry another without any smudge on her honour. Good day to you, Nodoka-san."
Darkness fell again, but he thought he heard a faint, maniacal laugh just as he drifted off. Was it his imagination, or was there something almost...broken in it?
Soun, Nabiki and Akane were regarding Nodoka Saotome with respect. In one night, she had single-handedly dealt with all of Ranma's fiancees. Even Kodachi...never mind.
And now, they were preparing for a wedding, namely that of Subaru Sumeragi's and Ranma's. The priest had to be persuaded by Nodoka before he would even go near the Tendo dojo. Subaru, still in her faint, hadn't even stirred when they finally applied the make-up and then dressed her in a formal wedding kimono. Her kimono. The one Daddy had prepared for her when she would marry Ranma. It didn't matter, Akane told herself. That perverted jerk deserved this.
Ranma had finally revived and was weaving abit unsteadily as Genma, still in panda-form, guided him to the dojo where they were holding the ceremony. He was firmly sat down by Ryoga and Kuno, who had volunteered to act as his best men and ensure Ranma got married. They of course, were doing it out of self-interest rather than any real desire to see to Ranma's marital bliss.
Subaru glided, or rather, was carried into the dojo. She hadn't yet revived, and no one had the heart to wake her. She was in Dreamland, where she was not female, not married, not chased and safely in Tokyo.
The group witnessing the wedding were extremely solemn tonight, the priest decided. If anything, it looked like a funeral, except for the best men, who were holding the groom very firmly and looked like cats that had gotten the cream. The Amazon warriors were all there, and the one with purple hair in particular, looked a bit sick. Oddly enough, the bespectacled boy looked to be on cloud nine. The okonomiyaki girl was dressed in a formal kimono, and a cheery smile, which looked rather forced. Akane Tendo had on a poker face, but was also formally dressed. Kodachi was conspiciously absent.
It was time to begin the ceremony.
Subaru woke up feeling very stiff, very uncomfortable and close to being terrified out of his wits. He'd had a terrible nightmare, where he was a girl, and a bunch of homicidal maniacs wanted him dead because they thought he was a fiancee of Ranma Saotome, and worse yet, he had to marry Ranma. They had even dressed him in a wedding kimono, stiff with newness, and sat him next to his groom like a porcelain doll. Such a weird dream. He yawned, and rather drowsily opened his eyes. :Odd: he thought, his face was feeling very oddly stiff, as if he had a mask glued on or something. He lightly touched his face. His fingers felt a little powdery, and white with white rice powder...the kind used in traditional weddings.
Subaru had a sudden, sinking feeling.
He looked down. He was wearing a beautiful white and gold kimono, the traditional wedding one. And as his head moved, the white veil draped over his hair tumbled over his shoulder.
Maybe it was one of Hokuto's pranks, or he had been conned into acting as her dressmaking dummy. Nothing to panic about.
That was when he heard the thin, dry voice proclaiming, "I declare Ranma and Subaru Saotome man and wife, and if anyone has any objections, speak now, or forever hold your peace."
She looked up.
There was a priest right in front of her, in ceremonial robes, and right beside her was a dazed-looking Saotome. And excepting a few people, practically every one of the homicidal maniacs were surrounding him. And two in particular wielding bokken and umbrella, were glaring around at the assembly, daring anyone to so much as make a peep.
She screamed and leapt to her feet.
And the wedding ceremony started to unravel.
The priest looked insulted. Ranma turned to stare blearily at her, while everyone looked at her as if she had gone mad.
"Wha...WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!!"
"You're getting married, of course, Sumeragi-san." Nodoka stated calmly.
"N...NANI?! I'm getting married?!"
"Hai. Now, please sit down and exchange rings with your husband. You're disrupting the ceremony."
"I don't want to get married!" Subaru's voice, already at soprano range in girl-form, climbed to an even higher register, to the pitch that could shatter glasses.
Mousse's spectacles shattered dramatically. Considering that all he could see was his dreams of marrying Shampoo shattering as well, it was very appopriate.
"That's fine," Nodoka smiled.
"My son is so manly I'm sure you'll change your mind," she cheerfully said, beaming at Subaru over the katana.
Ranma and Genma edged away.
"Begging your pardon, but I don't want to get married at all, and certainly not to Ranma Saotome!"
Nodoka paused, thoughtfully carressing her scabbarded blade. "You do not find Ranma manly enough for you?" she inquired.
Ranma lunged to his feet and clapped both hands over Subaru's mouth. "Mm mmm nnng mmphf!"
"Ranma, I would like to hear what your wife has to say." Nodoka chided. Ranma looked wildly around. Everyone had frozen in place, uncertain as to what to do. If he took his hands off, what Subaru might say something that would end up with him having to commit seppuku. If he didn't...Nodoka looked ready to cut off his hands.
So, the next best thing was...to run away.
"Saotome's special attack!" Ranma called out and dashed for the dojo doors, dragging Subaru with him. Unfortunately, he had to take his hands off her mouth as he did so.
Subaru, having no idea beyond explaining why she wouldn't and couldn't marry Ranma, promptly shrieked as she was carried off; "I'm a man!"
Everyone stared at the dojo doors and ten silent, stunned seconds ticked by.
"RAN-CHAN!!" Ukyou shed her kimono and took off in her okonmiyaki chef outfit.
"AIREN!!" Shampoo grabbed her bicycle and pedaled off.
"RANMA! Hentai no baka!" Akane screamed. She refused to chase after that worthless pervert.
"NOOOOO!!!" went three male voices.
"I knew it! I knew it! Waah, Akane, you can marry Ranma now!" Soun wailed, clasping the Panda.
Nodoka sat in stunned silence.
Then she finally stirred. "Ranma...my son...he loves men?!"
The dojo floor shook as everyone fell over.
"Oh my goodness, no. If I guessed correctly, Subaru-san is most likely to have been splashed by water from Jusenkyo, and has the same curse as Ranma."
"Curse?" Nodoka started to revive. "What curse?"
Akane lunged forward, caught Kasumi by the arm and practically carried her out of the dojo.
"Nooooo! There's no curse! Nothing whatsoever! Whatever made you think that?" Soun babbled desperately.
Nodoka took a firm grip on the hilt of her katana. "Kasumi mentioned a curse, Tendo-san?" she said sweetly, gazing at him with firm but gentle eyes.
/It's nothing./ The panda frantically thrust the sign at her as Soun started to quiver.
Just then, Tsubasa staggered back into the dojo, his cute-girl dress-up looking rather ragged. He obviously hadn't fully recovered from the beating Ukyou had given him.
"Ukyou?" he inquired.
"Gone," Nabiki said laconically.
"Arigato," Tsubasa told her, and fainted.
Soun had a brilliant idea.
"Nodoka-san, Ranma really isn't in love with a guy! Now, look at Tsubasa."
She gave him a quizzical look.
"See!" he proclaimed, pulling up Tsubasa's limp body and ripping open his blouse.
Nodoka had obviously taken her duties as Ranma and Genma's second very seriously. Her stance was perfect, her grip flawless, the strike swift and unhesitating.
Soun hit the ground with a soft *thump*.
Fortunately, Genma had caught on as to what his old friend had in mind before Nodoka decided to run him through.
/No wait!/ he signed frantically. /Soun means that he's a guy dressed as a girl!/
Nodoka stared at him in horror.
"My son likes crossdressers?!" she wailed.
/NOOOO!!/ Genma sweated. /He thinks Subaru is a girl, but actually he's a guy dressed as a girl!/
"So my son is in love with a girl who is actually a boy?"
The panda nodded frantically.
"You mean he can't tell boys and girls apart?! He...he's a virgin?!"
:Uh-oh: thought the panda.
Hokuto Sumeragi stepped out of the train station and hailed a cab. After Subaru had failed to call her, she had gotten quite worried and decided to come down to Nerima and look for him. Unlike Subaru, she _had_ read the travel brochures, and was praying to the kamis that Subaru was all right.
She checked in the hotel, and was informed that Subaru had gone to the Tendo dojo yesterday and had not returned.
She smiled grimly, checked her own supply of ofuda which she had specially brought, then hailed another cab. She was going to pay a visit to the Tendo Dojo and find out where Subaru was.
end part 3
Yay, I did it! I've finished part 3, and even managed to be serious for once. Poor Ranma though...and Hokuto-chan is here to join in the fun! Thanks a bunch to the UAWC ML, for their invaluable help. And thanks to the readers, who prodded me into finishing this! Special thanks to Miza-chan for her help.
Thanks go to Dark Phoenix for correcting my mistakes!
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