Tokyo Bablyon 1/2
A Tokyo Babylon / Ranma 1/2 crossover
Part 2 - "Oh my..."
By Cleo Tan
Disclaimers: The characters all belong to their owners, Clamp and Takahashi Rumiko or whatever. I'm only borrowing them to have some fun.
It was a lovely day at Furinkan High. The sun was shining, the birds were singing et cetera, et cetera. Unfortunately, the pair of blue eyes peering warily out of a classroom window didn't seem at all appreciative.
Ranma straightened up and turned away from the window, looking relieved. "I think we lost them," he announced. The only other occupant of the room looked up from where she was sitting, still trying to catch her breath. "Thank goodness," Subaru wheezed. "Does that...that sort of thing happen often?" she inquired. She really didn't want to go through another episode of it. She was an omnyouji, not a sprinter.
"It's the story of my life," replied Ranma with a snort.
"Oh."
Silence.
Ranma perched himself on a desk. "It kinda started like this," he sighed, and launched into his tale of cursed springs, the fiancee merry-go-round and bloodthirsty rivals. All of whom were skilled martial artists, and apparent goal in life was to rend him into little shreds.
Fortunately, Subaru's experiences had prepared her for strange tales. But as Ranma finished explaining the current state of affairs, she couldn't help but feel a bit alarmed.
"Er...They're not all insane are they?" she asked timidly. "Naw, only Kodachi and her dad.... Uh-oh."
They were now in Furinkan High; and the Principal's hunting grounds. Now, if he took it in his head to haunt the school during weekends...
An awkard silence fell.
"Umm...why are you looking for me?"
Subaru brightened.
"Oh! You see, I fell..."
"ALOHA!" howled Principal Kuno, popping up from behind the teacher's desk. Subaru gave a strangled shriek and hastily backed away. Ranma knew, with a terrible certainty, that his life was one big cosmic joke.
"What do you want?" he demanded.
The Principal looked hurt. "I'm here to welcome my newest student of course! I'm the principal after all."
"Student?" echoed Subaru somewhat blankly. Both men turned to look at her.
"Yes, you! After all, you're in Furinkan High to enrol, aren't you? I'm so glad you're so enthusiastic!" crowed the Principal and darted forward to shake her hand vigorously. "I'm so happy! You're so eager to start school! Now, let's make sure your haircut follows regulations." He whipped out a pair of scissors.
"Hey!" Ranma stepped in front of her. "We don't have regulation haircuts anymore!"
The Principal beamed at him.
"In that case... here are the new rules, and it's time for _your_ haircut!" Ranma ducked out of the way in time as a pair of shears whistled past his pigtail.
"I knew it. Just why does it have to be ME?" he groused, hopping onto a table as the blades hummed and peeled off several wood curls just behind him.
Subaru stared wide-eyed in fascination. Ranma was all lithe grace and barely suppressed power; it was mesmerizing to watch as he leapt, ducked, and fought back with lightning speed. While she had learnt some self-defense, only Sensei had been able to move like that.
"Here, pay back time!" yelled Ranma, and lashed out with a foot. The Principal barely managed to skip to the side in time, then recovered and lunged, blades leading the way, maniacal grin plastered over his face.
Ranma easily sidestepped, then remembered to his horror that the Sumeragi girl had been right behind him. He whirled around, then launched himself at Principal Kuno, desperately trying to knock him out of the way. Subaru blinked innocently up at the lethal blades aiming straight at her. The Principal smirked, and brought the shears down.
<Ohnono, I'm not gonna make it...> Then he and the Principal were tumbling to the floor, to land with a bruising thump.
Ranma opened his eyes cautiously, than carefully turned his head. The Principal, still grinning maniacally, was still in his 'shearing' pose, teeth gleaming in the dim light, sunglasses still winking...and a paper ofuda pasted firmly to his forehead.
Ranma smirked and started to get up. And froze again. His pigtail lay neatly between the juncture of the open blades. And the fingers clutching the handle twitched ever so slightly...and the blades closed in on his pigtail in a fraction of an inch. The fingers twitched again, and the blades obediently sank its teeth into his hapless braid. And the next twitch would sever it beyond repair....one infinite moment passed. Then the next...."Wow! He must have a really strong will! He could still move even after I hit him with the paralysis spell!" chirped Subaru, impressed. "Saotome-san, are you okay? Saotome-san?"
Unfortunately, Ranma had turned to stone from shock, and was not about to recover until some time later...
Later...
Subaru snapped out a command, and the wards flared to life. She stood back and surveyed her handiwork, nodding in satisfaction when she found no flaws. Then she frowned. "What's wrong?"
"No, nothing's wrong, Saotome-san. It's just that...well...don't you think you're going a bit overboard?"
"Are you kidding? This is perfect. Now, let me just finish this....there!"
Ranma stepped back and surveyed his handiwork. And smiled.
The Principal, still frozen in his deadly 'shearing' pose, stood posed on a small platform encircled with braided rope and wards in a rectangle. All about him were pasted several ofudas, to ensure the paralysis spell couldn't be broken too easily. Ranma had personally made sure that there was no chance of a stray breeze coming along and blowing them off. It was this that Subaru felt a little too much. After all, she'd never heard of anyone using superglue to glue down an ofuda, much less pasting on so many. It was overkill, she reflected, but was far too polite to say so. However, Ranma put the last, finishing touch to the entire display. A small wooden sign which said: "Prinicpal Kuno, R.I.P".
Subaru sat back, waiting patiently for Ranma to finish admiring his handiwork. She was feeling a little tired, and wanted to go back to the hotel and rest. It had been a long, hectic day. First of all though, she was going to have to get some hot water. If one more person asked her whether she was Saotome-san's fiancee, she was going to hit them first and explain later. She'd had enough of martial artists out to murder her just because they thought she was someone's fiancee. "Sumeragi-san?" asked Ranma tentatively, interrupting her thoughts.
"Yes?" she cocked her head with a curious smile.
"Er....well....are you...are you a fiancee of mine?"
Subaru suddenly rediscovered reserves of energy just begging to be used. "For the last time: I AM NOT SAOTOME RANMA'S FIANCEE!"
She stalked down the hallways, hoping to find a kettle or something. Teachers usually kept a thermos somewhere to make tea, she recalled. She managed to find the staff room quite easily, as public schools were often similarly designed. Just as she put her hand to the doorknob and turned it, she had a sudden feeling of trepidation. Maybe she shouldn't have gone off alone. What if there were more lunatics running around somewhere? She dismissed those thoughts, took a deep breath, and opened the door.
Back in front of the new statue of the Principal, Ranma lay on the floor, paper ofuda fluttering playfully in the wind. He lay there, twitching a little.
"........"
Elsewhere...
Happosai whooped happily, skipping across the rooftops, twirling a panty and shouldering a bundle of stolen panties. He'd long forgotten about Ranma and that pretty green-eyed girl. Then he stopped short. A delicate, black lacy panty fluttered seductively in the breeze from a balcony. Happosai started to drool. And when the owner of the said underwear leaned out to collect them, clad in nothing more than a skimpy tank top and shorts, Happosai was in heaven. Oh yes, today was a wonderful day.
Ryouga, still energetically hunting Ranma, was currently lost in a small maze of back allies. That was what he told himself. His sense of direction was working at full force; he still hadn't found the exit, despite the fact it was a one way street. "WHERE AM I?" he howled in frustration, and for the 17th time, headed unerringly towards the dead end.
Shampoo whistled cheerfully as she left Mousse hugging a lamp post, declaring undying love to it. She cycled down the streets and occasionally on a fence as well. She automatically went into the Shampoo-look-for-Ranma-routine, and was happily calling out," Airen! Where are you? Shampoo want to date you!"
She paused for a moment, remembering that Ranma had run off with that green-eyed slut. Her cute little nose wrinkled into a frown.
She thought for a while.
She thought for a while longer.
One could almost hear the little cogs and wheels in her mind clicking and whirling madly. "Shampoo kill green-eyed husband stealer, then date Ranma!" she announced happily, then sped off.
Today was definitely a good day.
Tsubasa might be a short of a brain, but even he could get some sense hammered into his skull--provided you used a very big hammer. Of course, getting pounded into the ground by either Ukyou or Ranma helped alot.
It had taken time, but it had finally gotten there. The mailbox he used as both weapon and disguised was dented. Battered. Spoilt. Useless. In other words, he needed a new disguise.
He wriggled out of the mailbox with some difficulty, then looked around for a replacement. And then he saw it. It was perfect. It was bright yellow in colour, perfect in its shape and curve. Two white lines emblazoned on it swirled gracefully down the perfection of its sides.
Tsubasa had found the perfect costume -- a giant tennis ball belonging to a sports ad. After hollowing it sufficiently for him to get into it, he was able to go bouncing down the streets, chasing his beloved Ukyou-sama.
Ukyou was having a bad day. First, that tart showed up and attached herself, as usual to Ran-chan. Then Tsubasa had to show up, in all things, wearing a giant tennis ball, positively bouncing with cheer as he bounced after her like a hopeful puppy wanting to play ball. Kodachi was off poisoning half the female population of Nerima; Kuno was off hunting for any one of his beloveds to propose to. Mousse was attempting to hug anything that didn't move; Shampoo was bicycling down the rest of Nerima. No, strike that. Mousse had gotten lucky and managed to hug Shampoo's bicycle wheel, saving the rest of the Nerima from further trampling. Fortunately, that also meant that Shampoo wasn't able to continue looking for her 'airen'.
Shampoo, who always did have a short fuse, was now hammering Mousse into the ground with said bicycle, screaming imprecations at him in Chinese. Ukyou wished for once that she'd learnt Chinese. The melodious words conveyed a wealth of meanings that Ukyou would have loved to take notes on.
And as she quickly discovered, when Tsubasa nearly steam-rollered her, that perhaps she didn't need the lessons. From the respectful way Shampoo was regarding her, it was apparent she had a larger vocubulary than she'd dreamed of. And when she unsheathed her spatula and started to play tennis with Tsubasa, Shampoo actually stopped pounding Mousse and watched in fascination.
"And a beautiful backhand, by Kuonji Ukyou, sends Tsubasa bouncing off a water tower, which is exactly 504 feet away! Ladies and gentlemen, a new record is set! Bets up! Will her next hit leave this record in the dust? How far will it go?" hollered Nabiki over the microphone, while her lackeys collected more money.
As Ukyou braced herself, ready for Tsubasa's rebound, Nabiki happily counted her earnings. She'd earned a hefty amount just from spectator fees alone, and the bets had even more yen pouring in. Today, thought Nabiki, almost purring with delight, was a very good day.
"And he was carrying a pretty young girl off too!" concluded Nodoka, beaming happily as she elaborated on Ranma's 'manliness'. "Akane, isn't that wonderful? You have such a manly fiance! Why, he's already engaged and still chasing girls!"
Akane smiled sweetly back.
"Oh yes, that's wonderful. Please excuse me for a moment, Auntie. I need a work-out."
Akane stomped all the way to her room, than stomped all the way to the dojo.
And then..."RANMA NO BAKA!!!!" *SMASH*
Kasumi sighed and poured herself another cup of tea.
Soun was swinging between despairing over the damage being done in the dojo and going after Ranma.
"Tendo-san, have you seen Genma lately? If Ranma is around, then he should be nearby too," murmured Nodoka, fixing gentle eyes onto Soun.
Soun started to sweat.
The panda, which had been diligently playing with a beach ball, started to sweat.
Kasumi merely sipped her tea.
Today was a good day, decided Kasumi.
Ranma-kun had managed to prove that he was a real man to his mother.
Nabiki no doubt was earning more money to buy more practice dummies.
Akane was getting some healthy exercise.
Kasumi smiled and started planning what to cook for dinner.
"Hello?" called out Subaru. No one answered her. Perhaps the teachers were all home doing the weekend, concluded Subaru. What she, or rather he, didn't know was that they had all been forcibly ejected from the school with shaved heads, due to the fact that the Principal had been feeling rather territorial today. Subaru happily wandered about the desks, until she spotted a electric kettle in a little kitchenette. There! Finally, she could be a boy again. She filled the kettle, plugged it in and settled down to wait.
Ranma attempted, for the umpteenth time, to will his hand into moving sufficiently to peel off the ward stuck to his head. For the umpteenth time, he was unsuccessful. Ranma made a mental promise to himself to never annoy an omnyouji to his never-ever list, right below the "never annoy Akane." He was bored. There was literally nothing he could do unless someone pulled it off, and the only living being was the Principal, who just happened to be in incapable of that. He lay immobile; there was nothing better to do anyway. Just then, he heard footsteps. He perked up; maybe it was someone here to rescue him!
Miss Hinako happily bounced down the corridors of Furinkan High. She was in a good mood, having missed being shaved and was now on her way to the staff room to prepare her lessons for next week. She bounced past the Principal with a cheery, "Ohayo!" and bounced on to Ranma. At the soft "Oof!" under her feet, she paused. Then she looked down. "HENTAI! How dare you look up my skirt! I will punish you!" she shrieked and whipped out a five yen coin. Moments later, she strode down the corridors, her good mood restored as she left a rather wilted looking Ranma on the floor. Fortunately, the ofuda had surrendered and now fluttered free, an ordinary piece of paper again. Ranma was free to go - if only he could find the strength to move...
Miss Hinako yawned in boredom and opened the staff room door. Ha! If Ranma Saotome thought he could get away with that; well, he certainly learnt better this time! She paused as she heard the gurgling sounds of a boiling kettle. Someone was in the staff room! Could it be a thief? Oh no! He must be here to steal all her candy! Or take away her cute Hello Kitty pencils! How dare he! He must be punished! She dashed forward, whipping out a five yen piece. "Stop right there! I, will punish you, you incorrigible delinquent!"
"Oh no! Please, you've made a mistake! I'm.."
"Hah! Do you think you can fool me? Happo-
"Watch out! There's a wet patch...."
"OW!" she yelped, as she slipped on a wet patch on the floor and promptly fell down.
"...right in front of you." finished Subaru with a sigh.
"Are you okay?" she asked, bending over to look at a rather dazed Hinako-sensei. Hinako mumbled something inaudible. Subaru was starting to get worried (he's such a _NICE_ boy) when Ranma staggered in.
"Hey, Subaru, whatcha doing?"
"Saotome-san, this young lady slipped and hurt herself; I think we should take her to the doctor."
"Huh? I'll take a look."
"ARGHHH!!! What's Hinako-sensei doing here?!"
At precisely that moment, Hinako-sensei recovered and looked up to see Ranma standing over her.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!! Saotome Ranma, you delinquent! I bet you're the cause of everything that's gone wrong!"
"RUN!!!" yelled Ranma, grabbing Subaru and dashing for the door. "Don't run! HAPPO...OOOOWW!!!" Hinako slipped on the wet patch again and was out like a light.
Today was definitely _not_ a good day.
End part 2
Author's Notes:
It's terribly hard to keep a running gag on, but I'm hoping I managed to pull it off. I'll probably try to be more seious in the next part, but it's soooo much fun getting them in trouble...<Evil grin> Comments please! Especially ideas for the next part...